dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
