good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
