HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
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Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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