shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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