hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
