don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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