apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
