U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Randomize
