i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
