i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize