He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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