so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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