I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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