I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
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