On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
