yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
