the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This house was built for laser tag.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize