i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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