drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
well you can't waste a boner
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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