Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
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In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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