is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
