I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
