I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Randomize