for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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