Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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