if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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