By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
