Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
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The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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