our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
