I am full of burrito and curiosity
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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