i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
