i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
