you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
