I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
