I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
