Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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