having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
