Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
