Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
