hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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