im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
