apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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