this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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