I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
