My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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