When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize