She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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