I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
