Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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