is wine microwaveable?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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