Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.