You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay