The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
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At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize