if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.