I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
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Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat