Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We just shotgunned beers for America
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
