god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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