Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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