did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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