Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
