I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize