We won't sleep together?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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