You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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