forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
