You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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