I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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