I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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