i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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