I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
